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Two music lovers are being held hostage and both are going to be
shot. One is a country music lover and the other enjoys all kinds of music. Before they are shot they are asked
for one last request before they die. The country music lover says, "I would like to listen to `Achy
Breaky Heart' fifty times in a row."
The other music lover says, "Shoot me first."
Got A Good Musicians Joke? Send it on in. mjokes@prongssongs.com
STUPID Musician Jokes
This page contains question and answer jokes about musicians. Sit back and
have a laugh! Q. What did they singer say to the drive through person at McDonalds
A. I'll have a 1, 2, a 1234 cheese burgers thanks!
Q. If a drummer and a musician caught a cab, which one would be the
musician?
A. The cab driver.
Q. How high can roadies count?
A. One, two. One, two.
Q. How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?
A. 200 - 1 to do it and the other 199 to sit in the audience and say
"I can do that".
Q. How many guitarists will it take to change a light source in the
year 3000?
A. 100, 1 to change the light source and 99 to stand around talking about
how much better the old tubes were.
Q. What's the difference between a guitar player and a bag of garbage?
A. The garbage gets taken out at least once a week.
Q. Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners?
A. So the rest of the band can understand them.
Q. Why did the guitar-playing stripper get arrested?
A. Her G-string broke.
Q. What's the definition of perfect pitch?
A. An accordion hitting a banjo in a dumpster.
Q. What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
A. Nobody cries when they cut up a banjo.
Q. What's the definition of a gentleman?
A. Someone who can play the banjo but doesn't.
Q. What's the difference between a banjo and a V-8 engine?
A. You can tune the V-8.
Q. How are a banjo player and a blind javelin thrower alike?
A. Both command immediate attention and alarm, and force everyone to move
out of range.
Q. What's the difference between a banjo and a chain saw?
A. The chain saw has greater dynamic range.
Q. What's the difference between an electric guitar and a chain saw?
A. The grip.
Q. How many luthiers does it take to change a light bulb?
A1. Only one, but you have to wait six months.
A2. None, they have a jig which does it for them.
A3. Only one, but he'll break five before he figures out you just don't
push them in like violin pegs and he'll spend
two hours checking alignment after.
Q. What do you call ten accordions at the bottom of the ocean?
A. A good start.
Q. What's the range of an accordion?
A. Twenty yards if you've got a good arm.
Q. What's the difference between a trampoline and an accordion?
A. You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
Q. What do you get when you drop a harpsichord down a mine shaft?
A. A flat minor.
Q. Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
A. To get away from the noise.
Q. How do you tell the difference between a dog and a violinist?
A. The dog knows when to stop scratching.
Q. What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
A. No one minds if you spill beer on a fiddle.
Q. What's the difference between a bull and a symphony orchestra?
A. A bull has the horns up front and the asshole in back.
Music Joke Links
- Instrument
Jokes
People at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have found a new niche
of comedy with a bevy of jokes on instruments, music, and musicians.
www.mit.edu
- Musicians'
Jokes
Musical jokes, collated by Tortured Soul, a seven piece soul and dance music
band, playing in and around Southampton, UK. Links to general information
about the Hampshire area, Southampton, Eastleigh, Fareham, Winchester,
including event and enterta
home.clara.net
- jokes
and humor
Jokes and humour, hundreds of clean and wholesome jokes for all the family
johnbirch.tripod.com
- Jokes
About Musicians...
Musician's Humour Please note, I love ALL musicians, whether they be
guitarists, bassists, drummers, singers, anything at all...These jokes are
intended just to put a smile on your face and I hope they do! Jokes about
Drummers Jokes about Guitarists
www.fortunecity.com
- Humor
and Jokes about music and Musicians
Jokes about music and musicians. Visit out other pages for more humor and
funny stories.
www.slinkycity.com
- Belly
Dancing: Musician Jokes
Assorted jokes about musicians, to give you a belly laugh! It appears on The
Art Of Middle Eastern Dance, which offers over 400 articles related to belly
dancing: translated song lyrics, tips and tricks, finger cymbal rhythms, a
glossary of belly da
www.shira.net
- Chembur.com
jokes
About e.com Variety is the spice of life ; here is the Variety ofJokes
(Click on the links) Jokes by Topics Science, Elevator, Toasters,
Advertisements, Medical, Greetings, Haven, Microsoft, Signs, Programs,
General, General-1. back to homepage
www.chembur.com
- NotationMachine
free music jokes page!
Jokes about musicians database! Hundreds of jokes with more added everyday!
Search for your instrument! Check it out!
www.notationmachine.com
- OXymoron
Humour Archive: Music
Music instrument jokes and humorous stories.
paul.merton.ox.ac.uk
- Musician
Jokes for Real Musicians Vol. I
...JUST A MEMPHIS THANG Hope you enjoy...these are but a few of the many
jokes we gather and send out weekly. If you have a good joke or you'd like
to receive our weekly (we try at least "once" a week to get them
out if not more often...) joke list,
members.tripod.com
- Musical
Humor from E-Bassa.com
Free musical humor, jokes, guides and application forms, questions and
answers for musicians. Send your music joke and win a T-Shirt from E-Bassa.com
www.e-bassa.com
- Search
for: "Musical Instrument Jokes"
Search within these results Advanced Search Help Find Heart and Hands and
other instrumental music books Add Lycos Search to your site WEB RESULTS
(Showing Results 1-10 of 12,060) 1. Instrument Jokes - Instrument
Jokes I join in the world's grief
www.lycos.com
- New
Zealand Symphony Orchestra Amusements
Amusements and Trivia Like ambulance drivers and other people who work for
rescue services, orchestral musicians often face long periods waiting
interspersed with flurries of intense and dangerous activity. Here are some
of the things that have
www.actrix.gen.nz
- Drumline.com
: Cartoons Courtesy of Tales From Band Camp
Drumline.com offers a free online community for percussion enthusiasts to
gather information, interact, and share ideas.
www.drumline.com
- Viola
Jokes
Viola jokes, clean, updated often, and filtered for the best quality. Once
you're done looking at jokes for this type of instrument, more can be found
at our music joke section!
jokes.glowport.com
- Georgia
Regional Girls Choir - Music_Jokes
The Georgia Regional Girls Choir, for girls in grades 7 through 12, is
dedicated to developing choral skills and producing professional quality
music
www.accessatlanta.com
- Profession
Jokes
Find an extensive list of jokes about different professional fields,
including law, medicine, technology and academics.
www.geocities.com
- Jokes
Jokes Short Jokes Longer Ones Maths for Musicians All-Star Big Band Member
List -Coming Soon Back to Main
pages.eidosnet.co.uk
- Percussionist
Jokes
Percussionist Jokes How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They have a machine to do it for them. Why are orchestra intermissions
limited to 20 minutes? So you don't have to retrain the percussionists. What
do you call someone
www.cobras.org
- StorVid
Video: Backstreet Stories (Unauthorized) Content: In-depth interviews,
Profiles of each band member, Exclusive footage of the Boys' rise to fame,
Off-stage jokes, The musicians in the band Length Of Video: Approx. 50
minutes Back to Contents Back to
www.comnet.ca
- Beware
of dating musicians! [rec.humor.funny]
| RHF Joke Archives | Beware of dating musicians! mcnameeb@hubble.sheridanc.on.ca
(Brent -Mac- McNamee) (smirk, musicians) There once was a woman who had gone
a long time without so much as the hope of having a relationship. When she
finally picked
www.netfunny.com
- Damian's
Piccollo Jokes
Piccollo Two musicians are walking down the street and one says to the
other, "Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?" The other
replies, "That was no piccolo. That was my fife!" How do you get
two piccolo players to play in unison? Shoot
www.chariot.net.au
- Church
Music Report, The
Dedicated to members of church choral musicians and directors. Subscribe to
the newsletter, visit the message board, or read the classifieds.
www.tcmr.com
- www.talentz.com
A great place to start your music education journey on the internet.
Includes Mr. Note, lesson plans, mentors, resources, interactive music
lessons, games, musician jokes, awards, featured sites, Allegro - The Music
Education Search Site and the Mus
www.talentz.com
- 8notes.com
- Musical Jokes Section
Musical Jokes for Violin, Viola, Flute and many other Instruments
www.8notes.com
- Click
here to buy Laffs from the Bottom of the Pit : The Musicians' Joke
Book...for Conductors Too! at Amazon.com
Shop at Amazon.com where you will find a huge selection of books at great
prices. Shop here for Laffs from the Bottom of the Pit : The Musicians' Joke
Book...for Conductors Too! and find more books by Susan L. Nigro.
www.amazon.com
- Comic
Relief: Musical Moments
Comic Relief Musical Moments Newest items are marked with a blinker. Musical
Criticism More Musical Definitions Saving a Marriage How to Cook a Conductor
Musician Jokes Musical Quotes II Rock Band Names Dating Musicians Dear Abby
Answers from
www.c4vct.com
- Klassik
Online - Music Jokes
German Version Beginners' Version Music Jokes > Flute Show latest jokes |
Add joke Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the
other, "Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?" The other
replies, "That was no piccolo, that
www.klassik.com
- Fun4You
- Jokes Archive - Latest Jokes
Fun 4 You Mailinglist Jokes Archive: Latest Email: Peter Bergt Disclaimer
Latest 30 jokes 1629 - Pipe Organ 1630 - Pneumonia 1631 - Little Johnny 276
1632 - Poisonous Snakes? 1633 - Looking Forward 1634 - 1000 Dollar
Competition 1635 - Little Johnny
www.hehe.at
- Welcome
- You've arrived at the Musicians' Christian Fellowship Home Pages
the musicians christian fellowship home site to encourage classical musician
professionals in their christain lives
www.timewarp.co.uk
- Index
of /~awong/jokes/MISC
Index of /~awong/jokes/MISC Name Last modified Size Description Parent
Directory 12-Apr-2000 05:14 - ASCII_Arts/ 11-May-2000 19:52 - NASA_chicken
13-Mar-1998 21:52 1k a_mail 06-Mar-1996 16:43 1k animated_gifs/ 11-May-2000
19:51 - countrymusic
www.cco.caltech.edu
- Jokes
Current Music Jokes Joke 1 Rated "G" Several American tourists
were on an African safari. While pitching camp the first day they heard
drums in the distance. They asked their native guide about the drums and he
said "When drums play, very good --
www.seanet.com
- More
Music Jokes
Musician Jokes Accordion Bagpipes Banjo Bass Guitar Bass, Upright Bassoon
Cello Clarinet Composers Conductors Drums English Horn Fiddle Flute French
Horn Guitar Harp Horns Music Music Critics Musicians Oboe Piano/Keyboards
Piccolo Saxophone Trombone
exhibits.pacsci.org
- rc20labt
MAIL/JOKES NEWS ROADIE STUFF DEMOS BACKSPAGE BLIND EAR RELEASES BACKGROUND
LIVE EVIL Write to ROADIE MAIL - ROADIE CREW CAIXA POSTAL 43015 04165-970 SÃO
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www.roadiecrew.com
- Geoff's
Musician Jokes
What do you call a guy who hangs around with 4 musicians? - A drummer How
many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? - 11: one to change to
lightbulb, and 10 to stand around and tell you how Steve Gadd would have
done it. OR - None: they have
www.cnl.salk.edu
- Nerd
Wide Web STARVING MUSICIANS - NEW HAMPSHIRE Resources
Large Index of STARVING MUSICIANS - NEW HAMPSHIRE related internet resources
created by Nerd World Media. List your resource or Create your own Index.
www.nerdworld.com
- Musicians
Online
Get Exposed with your own web pages. From only $1 a week. Get your Annual
Membership now If you get on line now you will go in the draw for the Big
One! Web pages include unlimited text, a photo and a sound sample of you or
your band's playing! Go
www.musiciansonline.com.au
- kiwiarts.com
- New Zealand - Art, Crafts, Music, and Musicians.
New Zealand (Aotearoa) art, crafts, music and bands portal. We also offer
free email accounts, news feeds, message forums, Chat Rooms, email greeting
cards, retail links and live streaming audio feeds.
www.kiwiarts.com
- Maui
Hawaii Musicians Entertainers - PrestonBeachwood Music - Island Romantic
MUSIC
Hawaiian music - Maui Hawaii musicians. The islands' most popular
Husband-Wife Romantic Duo, Sheryl Preston and Michael Beachwood.
Entertainers, Singer/Songwriters, Recording Artists. Creating and producing
original pop/contemporary music
www.maui.net
- Danford
Lake village quebec canada - free jokes musical cards plumbing help computer
help free chat
Danford Lake home - computer sales repairs upgrades free chat room computer
help penny pincher message board.
www.danfordlake.com
- We
musicians are so easily entertained!
Links World of Pageantry --just about everything to do with marching band
that you could dream up. Links to tons of sites about DCI, band supply
companies, drill writing, information for directors and students alike, and
anyone interested in
www.mcgill.pvt.k12.al.us
- Zone
Home Page- Musicians Helping Musicians
Call Us! 707.664.1213 A. How to Get to Zone Music B. How to Get the Lowest
Possible Price C. Zone’s Amazing Events D. Zone Music Innovations &
Tips E. My Nightmare Gig F. Stupid Musician Jokes G. Listen to the famous
Zone ‘On-Hold Message’ H.
www.zonemusic.com
- music
online music free music classifieds musical instruments audio gear
Music connection brings music together with musicians, free audio links,
record companies, free photo classified ads, discount musical equipment,
music lessons, cds, dvds, mp3 music downloads, music web sites, musicians
wanted,
www.musiconnection.com
- Troop
34's Jokes
Troop 34 Jokes Rock & Roll Jokes What do you call rock star who breaks
up with his girlfriend? Homeless What do you call a clean, well-groomed,
soft-spoken rock star? A failure What do you get if you cross a strawberry
with a rock star? A jam
wsp3.wspice.com
- Hernando:
Elks Lodge line-up has comics, musicians
Home Columnist Jan Glidewell News Sections Action Arts & Entertainment
Business Citrus County Columnists Floridian Hernando County Obituaries
Opinion Pasco County State Tampa Bay World & Nation Featured areas AP
The Wire Alive! Area Guide A-Z Index
www.sptimes.com
- Partysounds
uk live music, musicians ads, venues, music teachers and bands
Free Musicians Classified Ads and a unique UK band search engine, live music
venues, music teachers, music shop and more...
www.partysounds.co.uk
- jokes
Instrument Jokes Violin: How do you tell the difference between a violinist
and a dog? The dog knows when to stop scratching. Why do violinists put a
cloth between their chin and their instrument? Violins don't have spit
valves. Clarinet: How many
signal.voorhees.k12.nj.us
- Shaun's
Site
Welcome to Shaun's Website... My Resume • Page My Phone MP3's Funny Funny
Jokes Dirty Jokes Hub Buggies -n- Blues Musicians Association Other Stuff
www.skeldum.com
- PDXnet
Portland,Oregon Bands - Database of over 1260 bands and musicians from
Portland. Includes Calendar of live shows,
Portland Oregon Music! Over 1260 Portland Bands with links to their websites
and links to buy their music. A great music live shows calendar, and links
to other Portland Oregon music resources.
www.pdxnet.net
- LazrChet's
Humor: Music Jokes
LazrChet's Humor: Music Jokes Various Music Related Jokes Q: What's the
range of a tuba? A: 20 yards if you've got a good arm. Q: What's the
difference between a viola and a trampoline? A: You take off your shoes
before you jump on the trampoline.
users.owt.com
- Percussion
Jokes
Percussion Jokes How many percussionist does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know, but it takes at least twenty to realize that the room is dark
(Thanx Justin!). -From Justin R. How do you know there is a Bowie High
School percussionist at
www.concentric.net
- The
Jokery: Add A Joke!
The Jokery offers jokes, funnies, humor, humour, cartoons, haha, laughter,
smiles and more!
www.jokery.com
- Message
Forum
Re: viola jokes Posted by: Wolfspirit, on host 206.47.244.92 Date: December
04, 1999 at 21:47:41 In Reply To: Re: viola jokes posted by Chris on
December 04, 1999 at 13:12:58: > > > > Naw, but it seems like
it. There are, I believe... twenty
www.rinkworks.com
- Humor
@ www.music-scores.com
Bodhran jokes
www.music-scores.com
- Personal
Linx
information about me here Favorite Musicians Favorite Flix Jokes and others
Warning : Some jokes are crude and sick. Quotes
www.ce.utexas.edu
- Jazz
Jokes
The Well at Montefiore Castle, Italy The well in the renaissance castle of
Montefiore was first pointed out to me by fellow jazz musicians while on
tour in the Marche district of Italy. More than a well it is an enormous,
cavernous reservoir of
people.a2000.nl
- Random
Jokes
Random Jokes Q: How many Pink Floyd members does it take to screw in a
lightbulb? A: Only 3, but some people will claim it's not really a lightbulb.
(Sent in by Joven) A: All 5, but Rick will refuse to help, Syd will be too
stoned to do anything,
www.ingsoc.com
- (SCB)
Jokes: Making Music
home|(jokes):."Making Music" homepage|Seth Croston Barber Making
Music Recently, the Minnesota Orchestra was doing Beethoven's Ninth under
the baton of Milton Katims..... Now at this point, you must understand two
things: 1. There's a quite long
www.cyberis.net
- drums
drumming
DRUM LINKS Here are some Drum links that I think all musicians can enjoy
Zildjian cymbals, sticks & much more ! Modern Drummer - Great tips,
tricks and information Drummers Web - Something for all drummers World of
Drums & Drumming - jokes, tips,
www.drumguys.com
- Woodsy's
Music: Serving the World's Best Musicians
HOME ACOUSTICS ELECTRICS BANJOS MANDOLINS AMPS USED GEAR PRO AUDIO HOME
THEATER HORNS & STRINGS DRUMS ACCESSORIES LIVE SOUND BACKLINE GEAR
RENTALS LESSONS REPAIRS TIP OF THE MONTH JOKES LINKS Welcome to Woodsy's
Music. We're a music store, not a
www.woodsys.com
- GLOBEADS
- SERVICES - STRESS RELEIVERS - PUNCH & LAUGH PAGE - JOKES
PUNCH & LAUGH PAGE CAR PLATES & JOKES How to make gold sambar? Put
24 carrots in it - Kevin M. Rodriguez, Madurai, India. What do you get when
you cross a 747 with an elephant? A jumbo jet Which is the Flatfishes
favorite tune in music? B flat Why
www.globeads.com
- Jokes
- musical and non !
You're Joking ! ~ Musical & non musical jokes for everyone ~ Which kind
of fish is very musical ? Answer : Tune-a fish If people play in orchestras,
then where do pigs play ? Answer : In a porchestra Why does a pig go
"oink" ? Answer : Because it's
www.users.globalnet.co.uk
- Jason's
Clean Jokes
Beethoven A number of years ago, the Seattle Symphony was doing Beethoven's
Ninth under the baton of Milton Katims... At this point, you must understand
two things: (1) There's a long segment in this symphony where the bass
violins don't have a
www.halcyon.com
- Beethoven
Jokes
Beethoven Jokes Here are some Beethoven jokes... Enjoy... Joke 1 When
Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later,
the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise
coming from the area where
www.edepot.com
- American
Music Co.-fun features
Fun Features Jokes That Only Musicians Can Appreciate Back to Home Page
www.americanmusiccompany.com
- Miscellaneous
Musical Web Sites
Miscellaneous Musical Web Sites Musical Instrument Jokes A large collection
of musical instrument jokes. Most of them are funny only if you are
musically literate. A musicalogically important Beethoven document A first
on the Web! The last known
www.gprep.pvt.k12.md.us
- Celebrity
Morgue Jokes: Tito Puente
Help Tito Puenteget a tombstone page
www.deathsucks.com
- {LN}
Viola Jokes
Viola Jokes for the uninitiated, viola jokes are the orchestral players'
equivalent of polish jokes. Here are a few old favorites: How do you get two
Viola players to play in tune? Shoot one of them. What's the definition of a
minor 2nd? Two Viola
www.laughnet.net
- Funny
Network: Making the Internet Public Laugh
A vast network of humor and joke sites designed to meet your every need in
the area of comedy and humor.
funnynet.glowport.com
- Drum
Line Jokes1
LOW bRaSS PAGE Percussion Jokes How do you Know if a percussionist is
knocking on your door? The Knocking gets Faster What do you call someone who
hangs out with musicians? A percussionist What do can you tell if a
percussionist is drooling out of
www.pw.k12.mi.us
- Musician
Jokes
Q: How do you get a viola section to play spiccato? A: Write a whole note
with "solo" above it. Q: What's the definition of a gentleman? A:
One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't. Q: What do you call
someone who hangs around a bunch of
www.lpl.arizona.edu
- band
jokes
Band Jokes If you would like to add to this list, please e-mail your
submissions to: ken@rocketink.com To show there are no hard feelings
intended, we'll begin with... Trumpet Player jokes How do you get a trumpet
to play "ff"? Tell him to play
www.rocketink.com
- My
Fave Music Jokes
My Favorite Jokes As a person whose life revolves around music (if I'm not
playing the violin, piano, viola, guitar, or Irish whistle, I'm probably
listening to a CD...), I get quite the kick out of musical jokes. In fact, I
was almost a music
rhf.bradley.edu
- Drummer
Jokes
Drummer Jokes What do you call a person who hangs around with musicians ?
How do you tell when a Drummer's knocking at the Door (1) ? How do you tell
when a Drummer's knocking at the Door (2) ? What's the difference between a
bad Drummer and Father
www.lichfield.com
- Profession
Jokes
Jokes about the professions of the twenty-first century: programmers,
mathematicians, physicists, engineers, doctors, lawyers, accountants,
psychiatrists etc.
members.tripod.co.uk
- Musician
Jokes
Musician Jokes What's the difference between a bull and a conductor? The
bull has the horns in front and the a______ in back. What's the difference
between a conductor and a catfish? One's a bottom-crawling scum sucker, and
the other is a fish. If
www.ifa.hawaii.edu
- ProSoundWeb
| Musician Jokes
Jump To Ken's Links Classifieds IndustryIndx Join the Loop Forums Rec Pit
LAB HOME About PSW Bookstore Calendar Chat Classifieds Comment Forums Fun
Links News PSWemail Services Study Hall LIVE Articles OSM LAB INSTALL Apps
Board ChurchTalk Comment
www.prosoundweb.com
- Jokes
Page!!!!!!
Tim Chenette's Recommended Jokes! Iowan Jokes (by the way, I am an Iowan) Q:
How long does it take an Iowan to screw in a light bulb? A: All day and all
night: An Iowan's got nothing better to do. Person 1: Why can't Iowans make
Kool-Aid? Person 2:
www.grinnell.edu
- Music
Jokes
Music Jokes What is the difference between a french horn and a lawnmower?
You can tune a lawnmower. What is the difference between a clarinet and an
onion? Nobody cries when you chop a clarinet into little pieces. What is the
difference between a
users.netconnect.com.au
- Classic
Music Jokes
Classic Music Jokes I have nothing against any instrument, but music jokes
are always fun. Conductor Jokes What's the definition of an assistant
conductor? A mouse trying to become a rat. What's the difference between a
symphony conductor and Dr
www.wam.umd.edu
- Bagpipe
Jokes
The Big Page of Bagpipe Humour I found many of these posted to the newsgroup
Rec.Music.Makers.Bagpipe. I'd like to thank Rick Damon for compiling the
original list of jokes that form the majority of this page, Julia Say , Lyle
Walker, Doug Hubbard,
members.aol.com
- Ms
Pepper's Music Humor Page
Welcome to the Music Humor Page! Read jokes on... Strings violin, bass,
lute, harp, piano Woodwinds piccolo, flute, oboe, bassoon, clarinet,
saxophone Brass trumpet, trombone, French horn, tuba Percussion general
percussion, drummers, bodhran
ms_pepper.tripod.com
- Yahooligans!
- Arts and Entertainment:Music:Children's:Musicians
Home > Arts and Entertainment > Music > Children's > Musicians
all of Yahooligans! just this category Inside Yahooligans! Yahooligans!
Movies - movie facts, photos, trailers, and more! The Big Picture:
Entertainment Yahooligans! Messenger Categories
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