Guitars Better Than Women
1.A guitar has a volume knob.
2.If you break a guitar's G-string, it only costs $.79 for a new one.
3.You can make a guitar scream as loud as you want it to.
4.You can unplug a guitar.
5.You can finger a guitar for hours without it complaining it wants more.
6.Other people can play your guitar without it getting upset.
7.You can finger a guitar in public and get applause, and not arrested.
8.You can have a guitar any color you want and no one will care.
9.You can make your guitar as tight as you want it just by turning a peg.
10.If your guitar doesn't make sounds you like, you can retune it.
11.You can use four fingers at a time on a guitar.
12.If your guitar strings are too heavy, you can just get a lighter set.
13.You can have a guitar professionally adjusted to your liking.
14.If you scratch a guitar's back, it's unintentional, not required.
15.You can go to a guitar shop and play all the guitars you want for free.
16.It's good to have a guitar that's stretched out.
17.You can take lessons on how to play a guitar without feeling
embarrassed.
18.You can rent a guitar without worrying about who rented it before you.
19.You can play the guitar with your bare fingers and no protective
covering.
20.You can get rich playing a guitar, not broke.
21.A guitar doesn't take half of everything you own when you sell it.
Women Are Better Than Guitars
1.Women are more fun when the power goes out.
2.You can't get your guitar wet.
3.Ever try to screw a guitar?
4.The input to a guitar is only 1/4"
5.A guitar won't beg to be played.
6.It's no fun to tie your guitar to a bed and spray whipped cream on it.
7.When playing a guitar, you can use your teeth, but not your tongue.
8.Guitars aren't very aggressive.
9.A guitar won't play you back.
10.You need two hands to make a guitar scream.
11.A guitar won't scratch your back.
12.A guitar won't drive you home if you're too drunk.
13.A guitar doesn't care who plays it.
14.You can't play two guitars at once.
15.It's a lot more fun to stretch out a woman than guitar strings.
18.Guitar lessons aren't free and aren't as much fun.
19.If you really do want little guitars, you have to buy them.
20.You can't marry a rich guitar.
21.Guitars don't taste very good.
22.A guitar can't give you head.
New Tunings for Guitar
For fathers of small kids
D A D D E E
For an abusive father
B A D D A D
For the worlds greatest father
F A B D A D
For a tough New Yorker
B A G C A B
For a talkative taxi driver
C A B G A B
For a Grateful Dead fan
D E A D E D
For a police officer
B A D G E D
For a file clerk
A B C D E F
For Old McDonald
B A A B A A
For a crooked FBI agent
B A D F E D
For a muscle man
B E E F E E
For the Gibb brothers
B E E G E E
For my daughter on the phone
G A B G A B
For a hippie
B E A D E D
For playing on a cot
B A D B E D
For playing on a Martin
C F C F C F
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